Ever wondered what your server at the restaurant says about you to the Chefs and other servers, once they have gone back into the kitchen? Having worked in the restaurant industry for about twenty years, I would like to share my observations, in an attempt to make the dining experience more enjoyable for both the guest, and the people working in the service industry. As it turns out, common sense is not very common. We should never assume that people know these things. It is better to state the obvious than to assume, thus making an ass of oneself and everybody else around us. Having said that, if you find yourself guilty of one of the trespasses listed before, fear not. I am not here to judge you, but only to enlighten you, because if you have never worked in the restaurant industry, you may not be aware of what goes on behind the scenes after you have made a scene. Enjoy the read, take it easy on yourself, and strive to do better next time you go out to eat.

Here are the ten sins some guests commit when they are dining at a restaurant.

2. Looking at your phone while your waitress is talking to you.
   • This one may seem like another no-brainer. Unfortunately in this technology driven world, many of us make this mistake. I cannot count how many times in my restaurant career I approached a table as a waitress and was completely ignored by an entire family of cell phone zombies. After a minute or so of me awkwardly trying to get their attention, the one I presumed to be the mother, looks up and says, “oh, hey!”, I greet and begin reciting the specials, but meanwhile the one I presume to be the dad, is still on his phone, while little John and Jack try to loudly outspeak me by yelling their drink orders at me. Later on, when I come back to take the order, the dad will ask me about the specials, which he would have heard me describe earlier if he had been paying attention and hadn’t been on his phone. Nevertheless, I like getting a tip, so I calmly repeat the specials with a smile. Even now as I write this, I can feel my blood pressure rising.

3. Talking to others at the table while server attempts to take the order.
   • I just heard a loud “amen” from all the servers in my blogging congregation. I mean, seriously people? Do you really have to pretend that yours is the only table in the restaurant and therefore the server has nothing else to do but wait for you to complete your story about what it was like when you went to Timbuktu? How about taking a pause, allowing the server to finish taking the orders, and then commencing with your story? What people who have never been a server fail to notice, is the other tables giving your server ugly stares because they are wondering why they have not be served yet. So, please, be considerate, and release your server as soon as possible. Being a waiter is an easy job, but it can turn into hell when there are two or more unhappy tables on a busy night.

4. Ordering items which are nowhere on the menu.
   • Don’t get me wrong. We understand that there are people who are afflicted with allergies and celiac disease. Dietary constrictions are well understood and welcomed by most chefs. However, there are guests who like to just tweak the menu because they always want things their way. In the service industry we say that the customer is always right. This is not true by a long shot. Based on my experience. The customer is usually wrong, because they do not know the inner workings of the industry in question, but we let them be right, because we like their money. Some people take complete advantage of this. Bringing your child into a strictly fine dining restaurant that only serves steaks, fish and foie gras, and then insisting that the chef makes a burger and fries for him. This is just one example of many. Here is how it works behind the scenes. The chef orders groceries based on the menu. If they never serve burgers, there will be no hamburger meat on the premises. So, it’s not that the establishment does not want to please you, but that they cannot make your wish come true. Nobody who still works in the restaurant industry will ever admit what I am about to say to you, for fear of losing their job, but here it is. Ordering stuff that is not on the menu, really pisses the Chef off! And yes, everyone in the kitchen, will curse the day you were born.

5. Sending mostly eaten food back.
   • Sometimes the server may take a while to get back after serving your meal. This server needs more training. Usually, the server should come back in two minutes to confirm that your meal is okay. If your meal is not up to par, and your server takes more than two minutes to return, get the attention of another server, or the host. In a good restaurant, there should be a floor manager walking around touching tables anyways. Not saying anything to anyone, eating three quarters of the food and then telling your server you did not like it, is not ideal. In most restaurants, if you did not like your food, it will be remade or a fresh meal will be prepared for you. If you eat most of your meal however, what really happens is, the server takes it to the kitchen, hands it over to the chef and explains. The chef then looks at the plate and says, “but it’s all gone.” In a good restaurant, again, the chef will not argue with you. Your meal will be prepared, but it will seem as though you were trying to get free or extra food.

6. Yelling at your waitress for mistakes on your order.
   • When something goes wrong with your plate, there are two stories to what may have happened. One, could be the mistake of the server. They took your order and relayed it to the kitchen incorrectly. This is usually a mistake. The second could be the mistake of the kitchen. The cook or chef may have been overwhelmed with orders and prepared you the wrong plate or burned your steak. Either way, these are all mistakes. There is also a third possibility that most guests do not consider. You may have been absent minded and gave the wrong order to your server. Things that sound similar, like Pizza and pasta, or beef and beets, may be uttered mistakenly in place of the other, or if you are a mumbler, your server may hear, “extra cheese”, when what you said was, “extra peas”. Having explained all of the above, we can agree that all humans make mistakes. Yelling at your server does not solve the problem, gets them upset, resulting in worse service, and makes you look like a jerk to all the other guests in the room. Furthermore, it’s just food. The world does not end just because your food order got messed up. A great alternative would be to ask for the manager and politely explain the situation. You may just end up getting a free bottle of wine, depending on the restaurant, a freshly made meal and the respect of your date or company.

7. Walking into the kitchen to personally speak to the chef.
   • This doesn’t happen a lot, but I will mention it because I have personally seen it happen. Usually its a customer who feels that he has been unable to get his issue resolved by the server, the host and the manager. The kitchen is the chef’s sanctuary. It is where he prepares the meals without interruption or the demands of the guest. Storming into the kitchen not only distracts the chef, but also distracts the rest of the crew. By doing this, you are disturbing the experience of the other guests as well, as the chef stops preparing their meals in order to cater to you. Most of the time, the chef may not be able to resolve your issue anyways. This is what managers are there for. On the other hand, I have seen people walk in the kitchen to thank the chef. It would be better to request to greet the chef and the manager will usually inform the chef, who then will come out and greet you when the busy session is over, usually at the end of the night.

8. Arguing loudly with your spouse.
   • This is a funny one. It was always entertaining to watch. An otherwise boring night would suddenly get exciting when the voices of the couple at my table would suddenly rise above those of the other guests. “You know what Kyle? You’re an ass sometimes?”, Sally yells. Kyle glares at her and tries to control his temper. He looks around at the other guests, hoping they didn’t hear her. He realizes they did, stares back at Sally and mutters, “this is why I can’t take you anywhere.” The only thing that was difficult for me as a server at that moment, was trying to figure out what temperament I should exhibit when I went back to the table. Should I smile to lighten the mood, or should I pretend to be somber to match the occasion?

9. Allowing your kids to be rude to your server.
   • This will be a brief one. Remember little Jack & John yelling drink orders at me while their dad stares at his phone? If your child begins every sentence by yelling the phrase, “I want….!”, then it’s time for parental reevaluation. When kids are being rude in public, we all assume that they are a refection of the parents. I will say no more.

10. Not leaving a tip.
    • Okay, I know sometimes the service may have been really terrible. The waitress may have made you so angry, or neglected you so much that you just decide that they do not deserve your money. I have been there. I completely understand. A server must earn the tip. There are people however, more than can be imagined, who do not believe in tipping. For those people, let me explain how it works. The person serving you, only gets paid enough to cover taxes. Depending on what part of the world you live in. In America, it is two dollars an hour. They never see this money. It all goes into taxes. Their livelihood literally depends on your tips. Depending on where they work, a server could make a killing or walk away with nothing. Always remember that you are the one helping them pay their bills. Leave a tip. For those of you who say, “I don’t care. He/she chose that job.”, I have nothing for you.

BONUS TIP!

• Never touch your waitress.
  • I hear your exclaims, “now who would do that?!”. I will leave you with a little story. This happened to me years ago, while working in a very well established fine dining restaurant. I was walking through the tiny but packed dining room, trying to get my table, when a guest at a table I was walking by, suddenly grabbed my arm. He grabbed me hard enough to stop me. He then while still hanging onto my arm, proceeded to yell at me, “are you going to take care of us, or not?!” Let me first mention that I was not even their designated server. The people at his table stared at me with their mouths aghast. I returned the same look. The men at my table which I was on my way to take care of protested loudly. “Why would you grab her?!” Luckily, one of my fellow servers ran and told the manager. I imagine it went something like this. John runs to the manager and catching his breathe, with urgency in his voice gasps, “A customer just grabbed Lisa!” My manager showed up at the table from think air like a vampire and said, “what seems to be the problem sir?”. At which point I slid away, and crept to my table, in fear that my accoster might see me leave. The manager resolved the issue and the guest seemed embarrassed for the rest of the evening. End of story.

It is my hope that with this article, I have somehow shed some light on the relations between the guest and the server in the restaurant industry. A restaurant is the place where we go to enjoy ourselves, while not having to worry about fetching our own drink and cooking our own food. For the server, it is where they make money while ensuring your comfort and enjoyment, and for the Chef, it is where he gets to showcase his talents and watch the guests enjoy his cooking. We all love restaurants, so why not enjoy a pleasant experience for all?

Go out, enjoy yourself, and be good to yourself and others.

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