That’s a bold statement! How dare this writer claim that loving oneself can solve all of life’s problems? Does she have any clue what I have been going through? Can loving myself give me money, or pay my bills? Can loving myself make my husband stop cheating on me or my wife come back to me? Can loving myself stop world hunger, repair the ozone layer and find the cure for cancer? The answer to all of these questions is a bold and resounding, YES! Although some problems may be complex and seem completely impossible to solve, I am willing to confidently demonstrate how self-love can directly or indirectly solve any personal or global problems you can think of.
First, let us define self love. It may seem obvious that self love is the act of loving oneself, but it goes deeper than that. Many claim to love themselves but when they fail at something or have a bad day, their thoughts about themselves can be judgmental and downright hateful. There is more to loving oneself than just buying yourself some jewelry or a day at the spa. Self love is an everyday conscious task. To practice self-love is to pay attention to our thoughts and actions towards ourselves, daily. Even our words can reveal some lack of self love. Calling ourselves fat or ugly, and secretly wishing that we were something or someone other that who we are, are examples of a subtle self hatred. A funny example is the sensitive topic of race. For centuries, racial inequality has been a global struggle, yet just looking at the beauty products on shelves in a supermarket, one will notice how the shops in the Western world feature skin tanning products, while the shops in the African world may feature skin bleaching products. No judgement here. Just an example of how, we as the human race are never satisfied with who we are or what we have. This is why self-love has become the main topic in the self-help field these days. People all over the world, regardless of race, creed, caste, religion or status, are struggling with the acceptance and love of the self.
Let’s look at ways in which self-love can solve our existential problems.
- Self-Love Takes Away The Fear of Loneliness.
- Why do we fear to be alone? What is so horrible about ourselves that we fear to be alone with our self? You were born by yourself and you leave this earth by yourself. The sooner we realize this, the faster we can begin to appreciate ourselves. Your self is your one and only true companion because he never leaves you. You are your own shadow, and if you are afraid of your shadow, then you will forever feel like you are running away from something.
- “Wherever you go, there you are”, is something they teach at AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). This is their way of saying, you can never run away from yourself. This is why you hear of celebrities living a fast paced life full of drugs and sex, seemingly happy, but riddled with depression and suicidal thoughts when alone in their homes. We may fill our lives with money, alcohol, fun, drugs, friends, lovers etc., but if we do not take the time to make friends with the self, we will always be miserable when distractions are taken away. Loving yourself begins with acceptance of yourself. Finding ways of enjoying yourself without the need of props and distraction strengthens your character.
- Self-Love Cures Depression & Anxiety.
- You may already know this. Having suffered from depression myself, I understand that it takes more than just affirming “I love Myself” a hundred times a day to cure it. Of course there are many forms of depression, one of which is clinical. Chemical imbalances in the brain can make it difficult to treat depression holistically. Most people however, suffer from depression caused by situations in their lives, as was the case with me. When one is depressed, it can be difficult to get out of bed, or be motivated to go out and do things that may make you happy. Self-love is not an overnight magic pill, but from my personal experience, working at being kind to myself in my thoughts, combating negative thoughts with positive ones and slowly adapting a lifestyle that was good for me, definitely started me on my journey towards healing. Depressed people are constantly thinking negatively especially about themselves. Anxious people do not trust themselves and are always afraid that their world will fall apart. When you begin to love yourself, you become your own hero, and in doing so, you regain your power and begin to find ways to make your life better for you. Practice self-love long enough and you will see how your life slowly begins to turn in the right direction. As you notice the positive changes in yourself, your confidence will increase, and as your confidence increases, you will find that you are strong enough to come up with ideas and ways to improve your life even more, thus truly becoming your own hero. I recommend reading Joseph Campbell’s book, “The Hero’s Journey”, to better understand this concept.
- Self-Love Improves Your Finances.
- Now let me to demonstrate how self love can actually earn you money. This is a perfect follow-up to the point about being your own hero. When I was in my early twenties, I struggled a lot just to meet my basic needs. As a result, I was riddled with anxiety about my future. I would be depressed about not having money, so I would be too stressed to think about a solution. This is what happened. Instead of spending time with myself brainstorming and job searching, I would distract myself with friends, alcohol, parties and television. What I did not realize at the time was that I was wasting time and that no one was going to come and drop money on my lap. One day I had an epiphany. I had to get up and do this for myself. I had to have enough faith in myself to believe that I could actually earn a living and take care of myself. Once I realized this, I stopped laying around in bed after a long night of hard partying, and began to take better care of myself. I started enjoying work because it brought me money, which made my life easier. I realized that if I had money, it meant that I could have a roof over my head and food on the table. I had to love myself enough to want these things for myself and to go get them for myself. Loving yourself will motivate you to do better for yourself, leading you to better jobs and opportunities. If you do not love yourself, you will not have the confidence to pursue the best opportunities that this world has to offer.
- Self-Love Eradicates Fear of Judgement.
- We’ve all been there. You try to live your life and do something to better yourself, like starting a blog, posting YouTube videos, becoming a comedian or performer of some sorts, and being your most authentic self, only to be met with criticism, gossip and trolls. People judge your content, how you look, dress or talk, who you are with, what you believe in etc. You do not even have to be famous these days to be judged. Social media has made it where anyone can comment on your posts. There is also judgement coming from people in your church or school, and even family. One who completely loves and accepts himself, will not be affected by what people think about him because he is content with himself. I know this is easier said than done, but with practice, we can learn to be completely unaffected by what others think of us. Think about this. You are the most important person in your life. You know how I know this? I know this because I know that you will not ask anyone for permission when you die. You will leave only with yourself. Therefore, the only opinion about you, which should matter to you, is your own opinion about yourself.
- Self-Love Cures Addictions.
- What causes addiction? We become addicted to something as a result of doing it excessively, to the point of becoming a habit, but the difference between an addiction and a habit is the motivation behind it. When we do something, be it drugs, alcohol , sex, or video games, as a way to escape our reality and to numb our feelings, this is when the habit becomes an addiction. Loving oneself can cure an addiction, because what it takes is the realization that we are harming ourselves by continuing with the habit. Would you knowingly harm someone who you love? Think about the person you love the most in the world, and imagine yourself offering them enough alcohol to kill them, or assisting them to shoot heroine into their system. You would never do this to a loved one, so why do it to yourself? The question is, do you love yourself enough to want the best for yourself? If you do, you will stop doing things to yourself, which bring harm to your self.
- Self-Love Improves Your Health.
- To elaborate even further on the addiction point, health improvement can be a result of self-love because when you want the best for yourself. You will eat better, exercise and do whatever it takes to ensure a healthier version of yourself. As a result, you will be both physically and mentally healthy.
- Self-Love Helps You to Reach Your Goals.
- Again, with love of self, one is motivated to improve his own life. In doing so, steps are taken towards the kind of future wished for. With time, small goals are attained, and one then feels motivated to go for even bigger goals. Repeating this over time leads to achievement of every goal imagined and the construction of the life of your dreams.
- Self-Love Improves Relationships.
- There are two facets of this. One is how self-love can help to maintain your relationships. Boundaries are very important in a relationship. A relationship with no boundaries is known as a codependent relationship. Codependent relationships may seem nice at first, with both people seemingly so in love with each other that they cannot spend a minute apart, but with time, this type of relationship crumbles, leaving in its wake a tornado-like aftermath. Victims of a codependent relationship may have problems starting a new healthy relationship because they lost their sense of self. This is why even in a relationship, it is very important to continue to love yourself, without expecting the other person to complete you. In doing so, a healthy partner will appreciate your boundaries and work to keep the respect in the relationship mutual, leading to a much healthier cohabitation. A unhealthy partner however, will either have to change or exit the situation, which will work out for you either way.
- This brings me to the other facet, which is how self-love can help you gain better relationships. Loving yourself helps you realize that even in a relationship setting, you deserve the best. You are the best, therefore you deserve to have a partner who appreciates you just the way you are. Lack of self love leads to people settling with partners they have no business being with. At the first sign of abuse, a self-loving person will run for the hills, because she is not going to subject herself to that kind of treatment. When we stay in abusive situations, we are sacrificing ourselves for the feelings of the other person, who is probably narcissistic and only cares about himself. Love yourself enough to rescue yourself and to only allow people in your life, who are good for you.
- Self-Love can Remove the Fear of Death.
- I am trying to cover every problem we have as humans, and how self-love can help, therefore, we have to speak on the fear of death which plagues most people in this world. What causes the fear of death is the uncertainty of it, and the loneliness we think we would encounter after it. We are used to having family and friends, and the thought of leaving them is torture. We therefore distract ourselves again, until someone we care about dies, then its time to think about it again. Death has never been seen as a positive thing, but we can change how we view it, if we are comfortable with ourselves. Almost every religion in the world has an afterlife story and its usually a good one. Yet, humans are still afraid of death. Christians believe in a paradise after death, where your soul travels to heaven. Muslims believe in something similar. Hindus believe in reincarnation, where your soul finds a new body and is rebirthed. Buddhists believe that your spirit sticks close by and seeks a new life and new place to be reborn. Yet, in all those beliefs, with billions of people in the world believing that death is not the end of your soul, people are afraid of making that journey. Why? My theory is, it is because of the fact that we cannot even spend time with ourselves, or spend a day not having any negative thoughts about ourselves. In the same way, we do not realize that we are our own best friend, the shadow that never goes away, and that even at the end of life, that part of us, the self, remains. If we can reconcile with our deeper self, then we would never feel alone or afraid to journey into the unknown. Was that too deep for you?
- How Self-Love Helps The World.
- Now it is time for the big questions to be answered. How does self love help solve the big world problems, like hunger, war or cancer? People who love themselves also tend to treat other people with care, because these people tend to be happy and content with their lives. Such a person is more likely to embark on a philanthropic venture, or choose a career which in turn helps others. I know this because when I first learned about self love, I was all about myself in an egotistical way, but once I improved my life and was happier, I found that I wanted to spread the word on how to improve oneself the way that I did, and this is how my blog was born. A deeply happy and content person will want to spread this joy, and therefore, if we have more doctors, scientists and leaders who are happy and content, they will more than likely engage in activities which help the human race as a whole. I am not implying that the world will change overnight because everybody is happy and content. I am merely suggesting that more healthy and happy humans in the world may result in a happier and healthier ecosystem.
In conclusion, I would like to point out that self love has nothing to do with narcissism. A narcissist has an exaggerated sense of self, and lacks empathy for others. A narcissist believes that they possess no faults. Healthy self love recognizes your own faults and flaws but loves your self anyways, which in turn makes it easy to love others in spite of their faults. Begin to truly love your authentic self, and see how the world changes for you.
(Debunking Myths About Money)
We have all heard it. The most popular money quote in the world. Maybe you first heard your grandparent say it, or one of your parents. For some, we heard it loudly proclaimed from the church podium, or late night televangelist, right before he convinced you to send the last bit of money you had in your savings, to his ministry, with the promise that it would come back to you multiplied. “Money, or the love of it, is the root of all evil”, is a quote which is literally thousands of years old. How do I know this? Well, I grew up learning the Bible, and it had completely escaped my mind that actually the original quote which is found in the Christian Bible, is, “For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows” – Timothy 6:10 (KJV). I include this quote, not to preach at anyone, but only as a source. Needless to say that this quote has been misinterpreted many times and used in the wrong context, but I am not here to neither dispute not defend it. Only to use my personal experience with money to explain why in my opinion, it is not evil. Before writing this article, I have had to think long and hard as to whether I want to open this hornet’s nest, as I can already hear the arguments and accusations I may receive from those who vehemently believe in this quote, simply because of its origin. I must issue a disclaimer however. I am not disputing nor defending the quote. Only giving my experiential take on money, and how our limiting beliefs about it, affect our ability to attract and/or retain it. I am therefore, not open to any dogmatic or fundamental arguments. I admit that I am here to play the role of, money’s advocate, as it has been demonized over the years. I think it is time that someone stood up in money’s defense, and I am volunteering to do so, simply because I have personally seen how money or the lack of it, can affect my own life.
My personal experience with money has been a rocky one. In my childhood, I developed all these money beliefs, many of them limiting. As a result, in my young adulthood, I mostly had no money, and when I had it, it seemed to slip through my fingers like water. I did not understand money or how it worked. I was afraid of money most of the time, but was not conscious about this. I thought I just had bad luck, or that money was evil so I did not need it anyway. I must honestly say that, not having it, resulted in a lot of stress. It wasn’t just about the notion of not having it, but more the basic needs that I could not meet. As a complete adult now, and having studied money and limiting beliefs, I am able to look back and see where the problem was, and it wasn’t with money. It was with my relationship with money, my fears about money, and my own limiting beliefs about it.
As I break down the reasons why money is not evil, I will go deeper into my personal experiences, as proof that this is not just a theoretical thesis. Let’s get to it.
- Money CAN buy SOME happiness.
- One of the things you hear right after someone tries to convince you that money is evil, is that it cannot buy you happiness. I beg to differ here. I completely understand why one may say this. There are plenty of unhappy rich people in the world, but, take it from me. There are also plenty of happy rich people in the world. I worked at a Golf & Country Club for ten years. Believe me, if anyone knows rich people, it’s me. Arguing that rich people are unhappy because of money is like arguing that all poor people are unhappy because of lack of money. I also happen to be originally from a so-called third world country and therefore I know a lot of happy people, who are considered poor by the world’s standards. Happiness is relative. Therefore, one man’s idea of happiness, may not be your idea of happiness. As I go deeper into meditation work, I learn that true happiness and contentment comes from within and can be attained regardless of status quo and environment. However, the kind of happiness that most people are talking about is the feeling they get when things are going well for them. My point therefore is, if you could easily buy a roof over your head, pay your bills, put food on the table and be debt free, would you not be happy? For some, going on a vacation makes them happy. This requires money. Maslow would agree with me, if he heard me say that being unable to meet one’s basic needs can be a great source of stress. Maslow is the scientist/psychologist who came up with the hierarchy of needs. Look him up. Therefore, we all may agree that, in the context of basic needs, money can and will buy you happiness, if you have it and can provide those needs for yourself and your family. If you argue against me on this one, then I may say that you have never been evicted from an apartment because you did not have money to pay the rent, or had a car repossessed while living in a city devoid of public transportation, because you did not have a job or money to afford one. I have experienced both situations in my early twenties and thus, began my experiential education on the importance of money.
- Money can’t buy real love, but it sure as heck can make your love life easy.
- I have met plenty of eligible bachelors, and when I asked them why they didn’t have a girlfriend, they almost always gave me the answer, “girlfriends are expensive”. Steve Harvey in his book, ‘Think Like A Man’, explains to the single ladies why some men refuse to commit. One of the reasons he states, is financial issues. He says that if a man is not financially secure, he will not be ready to commit to a relationship because he may feel that he cannot provide for the lady what she needs. Men know that they mostly have to take the woman out on a date, pay for the food or movie, and if they end up getting married, he must carry most of the financial burden. I have been a hopeless romantic most of my life, and would argue with my parents when they would point out that if both my future husband and I are dirt poor, we will not be able to provide ourselves the basic needs and therefore will not be happy. I would say things like, “I don’t care if we live under a tree as long as we love each other”. Well, in Romeo and Juliet, such notions may stand, but in the real world, as an adult right now, I can tell you that I do not want to live under a tree with no food or shelter. As a beginner yogi, I may find the idea of Buddha sitting under a tree until he reached enlightenment appealing, but I live in the United States of America. The authorities will not take too kindly to me living under a tree and I don’t think that people here will bring me free food just because they think I am an ascetic. Plus, I am not a fan of the winters here. Furthermore, I don’t think any lover could keep me warm enough in the “snowpocalypses” known to occur here in Februaries. Having said all the above, am sure you agree with me that in reality, even a couple deeply in love need money in order to enjoy each other’s company. So, money may not buy you love par se, but it most certainly can assure the comfort of you and those you love.
- Money is an object incapable of being evil.
- Saying that money is evil, is like saying that a chair is evil, just because the dictator is sitting on it. Or saying that the dictator’s house is evil, just because he lives in it. If a priest moves into that house, does the house then become not evil? Is a gun laying in your safe evil while no one is using it? Or is it just a piece of cold steel just laying in your safe? Money is just a sheet of paper, or a silver coin. If we, humans, did not place value on that printed sheet of paper, it would be just the same as your notepad. When we say that money is evil, we are just bypassing the fact that we impose our energies on money. The person possessing the money chooses whether to do good or evil with it. If you leave a million dollars buried in your backyard for hundreds of years, it will not harm anyone. If you however, spend the million dollars by funding a genocide that kills thousands of innocent people, did the money do this harm, or did you? Why therefore, do we dab money as evil, while it is some humans who choose to do evil with it? I rest my case on this one.
- Are rich people evil?
- Another thing I would hear people say while growing up was that rich people are evil because they love money and they all acquire their money through dishonest means. Okay, let’s look at this realistically. There are people who do horrible things in order to become rich, but the majority of rich people are hardworking people who either have built an empire for themselves or have inherited an empire from a parent or grandparent, who worked hard to build it. My observation has been that people hate rich people because they have something that seems unattainable. I was brought up to believe that anything is possible if I worked hard for it, so imagine my confusion when I came out into the real world only to be confronted by the collective global limiting belief that only the devious “make it”. This became especially challenging when I would be advised by well meaning friends against pursuing my music industry dream because I would have to do some horrific things to climb the ladder of stardom. It was when I began to do my own research into successful people who I admired in all fields, that I realized that these people work harder that the average person. They choose to focus all their time and energy on their passion and they don’t stop until they have succeeded in it. Now, are there people who do dishonest things to get to the top? Yes. But, is it really about money or about their own personal insecurities and disbelief in themselves? I will let you be the judge of that.
- More money more problems?
- Not true. Money actually solves problems. This phrase was made famous in the 90s by rapper Biggie when he used it in a song of his that topped the charts. He was right to some extent, because most people incur more bills and debt when they become rich because of money mismanagement. In general it is untrue though. Money can solve one’s debts, pay for medical expenses, pay for education and help your family and friends. I do not need to go into all the ways that money can benefit you, but if used unwisely, it could result in problems. This would not be the money’s fault however. It would be the fault of the steward of the money.
- Why do people hate money?
- Why do people say such horrible things about money and those who possess it? It has been my observation that usually it is the people who lack money that have the worst things to say about it. Frustration when unable to make money could lead one to say that it is not good or important anyways. Saying these things help us to feel better about our situation. If we took the time to really evaluate our desires, we would find that we need and want money, but we push it away when we say hateful things about it.
- You can do good with money.
- Think about the street children in third world cities. Think about the villages in Africa and India where fresh water is needed. How about the cure for cancer? As much as we may want to believe that we could do all these things without money, we all know that it takes money to fund and sustain the organizations that help bring fresh water to those parts of the world, or build orphanages and homeless shelters. It takes money to do good in the world, and it is time we appreciate the role money plays in making people’s lives better.
- Money DOES grow on trees.
- This was my favorite thing to say. I would be offended when people in my home country of Kenya would expect people who live in the United States to automatically have more money. I would say, “what do they think? That money grows on trees in America?”. After years of introspection, I realize that money actually does grow on trees. This is gong to sound juvenile and obvious, but again, money is paper, which happens to be made from wood, which is practically trees. Do I need to explain this any further?
- Money IS your friend.
- As we near the end of this article, I hope I have demonstrated how money can help make your life better. Many money advisers will tell you to change your attitude towards money if you expect to have more of it in your life. It is therefore imperative that we begin to look at money as a friend because it is there for you in difficult times and helps to solve many of our lives problems. My affirmation today is that money is my friend and I welcome it into my life.
- Money is very important.
- We need money in the beginning of our lives, as doctors and midwives are paid to ensure our safe delivery into the world. We need money as we progress in our childhood. Food, shelter, clothing, education, just to name a few of the basic necessities of life. Money may have been demonized over time but it is the currency of our lives. We cannot live without it. One may argue that we could go back to the batter trading system, but money is only a symbol of all the goods which were traded for services during that time. Money is just the vehicle which delivers us the goods and services needed to survive. Even in our exit from this earth, money is needed. Money is therefore very important, no matter how much we try to make it appear as the problem in the world.
In conclusion, money has been made the scapegoat for all the evil that some humans have done in the world. Yes, being obsessed with money can and does cause problems, which explains why the Bible discouraged loving it, but we see how demonizing money can be detrimental to our survival. One has to decide. Do you want money, or do you hate it? One cannot hate and want money at the same time, as this will only bring a mental conundrum, causing all plans made to make money, to backfire. Put your good energy into money and watch it do good for you and the world around you.
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