(A brief history of the internet in layman’s terms)

We all use the internet at one point or another, in our lives. Some of us use it every day for various tasks and leisure, yet most do not know where the internet came from, who created it, or for what reason. We are all aware of the pros and cons of the internet, especially where security is concerned, but we may not know that the web was created for National Security reasons. (Tarnoff, 2016) The internet has been around for half a century now, and continues to grow even more complex, connecting countries, making it easier to communicate with people all over the world, and making the globe seem as small as a village.  The internet has had both a positive and negative impact on the global economy, social interactions, and cyber security. As we dive deeper into the millennium, one wonders what else the World Wide Web has in store for us.

So, where did the internet come from? Who invented it, and for what purpose? As mentioned earlier, the internet was invented for National Security reasons, meaning, it was invented specifically for military use. In 1962, J.C.R. Licklider from MIT, was the First Head of the Computer Research program at DARPA. DARPA, standing for Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, is an agency which researches and creates technologies for National Security. (DARPA, 2021) Just like Martin Luther King Junior, Licklider had a dream, but his dream was that one day two devices, in this case computers, would be able to communicate with each other.  Licklider managed to convince his successors that his dream was valid and important. DARPA at the time was known as Arpa and had been generously funded by the United States’ Defense Department, to create a secure mode of communication which could not be infiltrated by the enemy. In 1969, after collaboration from some of Licklider’s successors and many other experts from all over the world, the first host computer was connected at UCLA. One month later, a host-to-host message was sent from UCLA to the Stanford Research Institute (SRI). By the end of 1969, four host computers were communicating, bringing about the birth of the internet. The public was not aware of these developments until 1972, when the first public demonstration of the new technology was revealed at the International Computer Communication Conference (ICCC). (Barry M. Leiner, 1997) Since the invention of the internet about a half a century ago, we have seen it develop from just a military communication tool, into a worldwide communication instrument used for both business and leisure. It is difficult to imagine our society without the internet now, and the thought of going back to what we call the dark ages would send most people into a panic. Now that you know where the internet originated from, how do you feel about the internet and its current use?

The internet sometimes gets a bad reputation, but just like everything else, the internet is just a tool, and those at fault, are the ones who use it to do evil. Over the last five decades, the internet has evolved into a real web, interconnecting us and our devices, making it easier to communicate regardless of global location, and sometimes even being used as a tool for bringing about political, social, and economic change. The first mode of communication which came from the internet was electronic mail, or what we now call Email.  Compared to other current modes of communication, email is more private. Other forms of communication via the web, are messenger applications, like Facebook Messenger, and Instagram. These applications are convenient because they are free. In my case for instance, I live in the United States, but communicate with my family in Kenya using Facebook Messenger, because I do not have to pay outlandish amounts of money on a landline phone, like I used to, twenty years ago. I remember a time when I would have to buy a phone card, which usually costed about five dollars to talk for only twenty minutes. It was even worse if you used your house phone to call international. Even today, calling international on a cellphone can generate a $400 bill. Calling on Facebook messenger only requires that you have internet access, and a Facebook account. Other than person-to-person modes of communication, there are also public forms of communication, which allow an author to express their thoughts or knowledge to the world. Wikis are interesting sites which allow any user to input, edit, delete, or revise information on certain topics. A blog on the other hand is owned by the author and used as a tool by the author to express views, opinions, and knowledge. Podcasts and Webcasts on the other hand, deal with audio and video. A podcast can be a series of audio files based on a certain subject or topic, by a particular author or speaker. These audio files can be downloaded to your device and listened to at your own leisure. While podcasts are in audio format, a webcast is in video and audio, allowing the viewer to watch and listen to an event simultaneously. (Taisey, 2019) When one can watch the event live in real time, it is referred to as streaming. Gaming experts have been known to stream their game play on sites like YouTube and Twitch, live for their fans to spectate. Many of these players have become household names because of attracting a large streaming audience.

In addition to being a major tool of communication and information, the internet has also become a business tool. With the emergence of e-commerce and m-commerce, people can shop and buy just about anything they like online. M-commerce is just the mobile version of e-commerce, which most find convenient. Companies like Amazon have gained their success due to e-commerce, with millions of people preferring to shop online, as opposed to driving to the store. Investopedia, a popular business information site, points out that there are four aspects of e-commerce. Business to business, business to consumer, consumer to consumer, and consumer to business. (Bloomenthal, 2020) The most impressive development to come out of e-commerce is the consumer-to-consumer transactions. With sites like Facebook Marketplace where one can get rid of items that they no longer need, while others find the items they need at a cheaper price than buying at a store. The prices on a consumer-to-consumer site tend to be fair because the items are usually used. There are pictures posted, and sellers are encouraged to be honest about the condition of the items, so that the buyer knows exactly what they are getting. If the price is matched correctly to the condition of the item, then one could sell anything on these sites.

Although there are definite cons to the internet, it may be fair to say that the pros far outweigh them. The internet poses many security risks, and has been blamed for lack of human contact and relationships, due to excess time spent looking at a screen. This however, is not the fault of the internet, but merely a result of individual lack of proper time management. When properly studied, one can see how the internet may have a positive effect on relationships, the economy, and society at large if utilized correctly. With the many avenues of communication now available due to the internet, the world has become smaller, as it has become easier to contact friends and family from any corner of the world. E-commerce has impacted the global economy positively as people spend money online, not restricting their purchases to just their local stores. Information is also readily available, making the ordinary person more knowledgeable. Fighting for human rights has become more feasible, as all it takes is an online campaign reaching millions worldwide. On the home front, life has become more comfortable for some, due to the emergence of the Internet of Things (IoT), a new technology where devices are interconnected. This connectivity of devices has many functions, like keeping the home more efficient, keeping the traffic flowing easily, and informing the public of weather changes to be aware of. As technology and the internet continues to grow, current research into Artificial intelligence (Ai), is beginning to catch the attention of the public eye. We all await eagerly for new developments, speculating as to whether in the future, cars will be flying, and robots will have our jobs. We will leave that discussion for another day.

References

Barry M. Leiner, V. G. (1997). Brief History of the Internet. Retrieved from Internet Society: https://www.internetsociety.org/internet/history-internet/brief-history-internet/

Bloomenthal, A. (2020, November 24). Electronic Commerce (e-commerce). Retrieved from Investopedia: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/e/ecommerce.asp

DARPA. (n.d.). About DARPA. Retrieved from DARPA: https://www.darpa.mil/about-us/about-darpa

Taisey, J. (2019, September 26). What’s the Difference Between a Webcast and a Podcast? Retrieved from WorkCast: https://info.workcast.com/blog/whats-the-difference-between-a-webcast-and-a-podcast

Tarnoff, B. (2016, July 15). How The Internet was invented. Retrieved from The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/jul/15/how-the-internet-was-invented-1976-arpa-kahn-cerf

*All images are stock free and acquired from Canva.com

WHEN A FRIEND DIES

Barbara was that friend I could go months without seeing, yet when we finally saw each other, it was like no time had passed. We would pick up from right where we left off. She never asked me where I had been or why I had not called her. I never asked her why we had not hanged out. Instead, we just talked about plans. What would we like to do?  Our favorite thing to do was to watch Nigerian movies together. I cannot watch a Nigerian movie now without thinking about her. Our favorite Nigerian movie was ‘Beyonce’.  We watched Beyonce 1 and Beyonce 2 and awaited eagerly for Beyonce 3, even though it may never have existed. We both “awed” when a woman was wooed by the ideal guy and clicked our tongues in disgust when a character was being evil. Nigerian movies are long, but we enjoyed every minute of it.  The movie ‘Beyonce’ had a happy ending. We celebrated together. This was our bonding time. Sometimes Barbara’s mother would join us. She was not too fond of the witchcraft in the Nigerian movies. She said it gave her nightmares. Barbara and I laughed about it. We laughed about the fact that she was affected by fictitious events in a movie. We loved the edge of the seat suspense in the movies, the punishment of the wicked and the reward of the righteous.

It was a time in my life when I was single and somewhat lonely. I lived by myself and barely had any friends. I always remembered her kindness. She was the only friend who showed me unconditional love, even when I was at my lowest.  I visited her once and she was so hospitable. She asked me if I was hungry. Her mother was not home She offered her home and kitchen to me as though I was her own sister. She would encourage me to fix anything I wanted. We would fix sandwiches. A few times she would excitedly tell me that her mother had made Chapatis. A delicious Kenyan delicacy. She would offer them to me, and I would happily oblige. We sat on the couch at the apartment where Barbara and her mother lived in Homewood, Alabama. We would cozy in with tea and Chapati, put on a Nigerian movie and watch for three hours. This was my friend Barbara; I remember with such fondness. The good times we had together.

One day, Barbara invited me to attend the Basement with her. I wondered what it was. It sounded like something Barbara would never do. She was not the clubbing or partying girl. She was very spiritual, religious, Christian… but she lived by it. She was the epitome of Jesus. Loving, kind and dedicated to her beliefs. I hopped in her car, excited to see what the basement was. We arrived at the Church of the Highlands location on Grants Mill Road, off I459 in Birmingham, Alabama. As we walked into the large chapel, I remember being mesmerized by the club feel in the building. It looked like a huge concert. A guy named Matt Pitt was on the stage getting the crowd excited. He was preaching but it was so unconventional that one would have thought that he was getting ready to invite a famous artist on stage. An artist called Jesus Christ. It was the best “clean” fun I had in my life, by Christian standards. This became our Tuesday routine for a while. This was 2012.

In 2014, I was releasing my album, and it was the most stressful day of my life. The Kenyan church where I had booked a venue had made changes and I did not have the same room I was going to have. They did not want non-members using their chapel. I took it very personally, back then. Now, I probably would not care, but back then I felt like I was being treated like an outsider. A heathen. I took comfort in the fact that Jesus was treated the same way. On the day of the album release, Barbara shows up. She followed me around, which was very comforting. She asked me how I was. I told her I was stressed and nervous. She was surprised that I was nervous. She made me feel like I could do anything. She stayed close to me the whole time. Helped me change clothes and get ready. She laughed and distracted me and reassured me that my last set was great and that I would be fine. Is it a wonder that I miss her so much? I never had anyone treat me with such unprejudiced neutral love and believe in me so much. She never complained if I asked her for help. She never judged me.

The first time I met Barbara, it was at a Kenyan gathering in Birmingham, Alabama, over twenty years ago, in 1999. The first thing she said to me was, “Lisa, we were neighbors in Buru Buru, Nairobi, Kenya, and we went to the same Primary School”. I could not remember any of that, but I liked her personality, so we bonded right away. The last time I saw Barbara was about a year before she died. Early 2019. She invited me to attend one of her functions. She had been creating and hosting Worship concerts and wanted me to be a part of one of them. I was honored because is had been over a couple of years since the release of my album. I had sort of given up on the music and taken a break before I could begin recording my next one. I had felt alienated by the Kenyan Christian community in Birmingham and had thrown myself into work while I waited for my next inspiration. She contacted me, encouraged me to come, sent me the songs to practice and checked on me every day till the day of the concert. At the concert, she was sweet and supportive. She even helped me out with a song I was not confident about. I had a great time. After the event, which was in Pelham we stood outside with a couple of other friends and talked. I really enjoyed her company as we caught up on our life events. We parted ways happily, promising to do more projects together. I did not know that this would be the last time I saw her.

 The last time we communicated, I was in Kenya in early 2020, literally less than a couple of weeks before she died. She wrote me on Instagram after seeing my pictures of my trip to Kenya. “Did you move back to Kenya?” She asked. I replied, “I wish. Lol. Lol.” In my mind, I was going to see her when I got back to Birmingham and we would catch up while I tell her all about my trip back home. Less than two weeks later, on the same day that news of Kobe Bryant’s death was exploding, my cousin Joy messages me asking if it was true what she was reading about Barbara on Facebook. Barbara had died. My life was turned upside down. I told my mother about it and then for three days I could not even talk about it. It was the most gut wrenching feeling I had ever had. I would never see Barbara again, and I could not understand why. I felt sad and angry at the same time.  Angry at God for taking such a sweet soul away so early.

A few days later I finally came to terms with it and said something on Facebook. When I got back to Birmingham, Alabama, the first thing I had to do was attend her funeral. I was informed that I was to sing. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life because when I went anywhere to sing, Barbara was always there cheering me on. Helping me not to feel nervous. Who was going to sit with me now? Who was going to tell me that I could do it? I tried to give a speech, but the sight of her red casket took my breathe away. Watching her mother frail with grief broke my heart. I have had long talks with God since then. I found out that her mother had cancer when Barbara died. Barbara was her only baby. I still do not understand why this amazing lady had to lose her only daughter during the most challenging time of her life. I have heard that everything happens for a reason, or maybe for no reason at all. This is one experience which will stay on my mind forever.

Sometimes when I least expect it, I hear Barbara’s voice, ridiculing me for being nervous before a performance, telling me a story about some guy she likes, exclaiming during a Nigerian movie, offering me something to eat, and asking me to come and sit with her during a concert. “Are you ready?” she said. That last time I sang with her. I was still practicing right before she called me up to sing. I have dreams about her sometimes. In the dreams, it is like she never died. I tell her what has been going on my life, she laughs. She died at 37, so she will always look young. In my dreams, she is always happy. Nothing has changed about her. When I wake up, I know that I talked to her. I know that I connected with her. I do not know what my readers believe about life and death. Honestly, I do not even know what I believe about life and death. I know though that whenever I have wondered how she is doing, I have had dreams about her, where she is happy and radiant, and I am the one talking to her about my troubles. She always smiles reassuringly. It is like she never left me.

Barbara was my friend. She still is in my heart. She was never perfect. None of us is perfect, but she had a good heart, great intentions. Like all of us, she had dreams and aspirations. She was there for me at a time when I felt so alone in America, with my family in Kenya. I looked forward to our trips to the Basement, and our Nigerian movie sessions. She loved me without expecting me to be anyone else. Just the way I am. I believe this is called unconditional love. I love her the same way. She will forever remain alive in my memory and my heart. I always hope that wherever she is, she is happy and at peace.

That’s a bold statement! How dare this writer claim that loving oneself can solve all of life’s problems? Does she have any clue what I have been going through? Can loving myself give me money, or pay my bills? Can loving myself make my husband stop cheating on me or my wife come back to me? Can loving myself stop world hunger, repair the ozone layer and find the cure for cancer? The answer to all of these questions is a bold and resounding, YES! Although some problems may be complex and seem completely impossible to solve, I am willing to confidently demonstrate how self-love can directly or indirectly solve any personal or global problems you can think of.

First, let us define self love. It may seem obvious that self love is the act of loving oneself, but it goes deeper than that. Many claim to love themselves but when they fail at something or have a bad day, their thoughts about themselves can be judgmental and downright hateful. There is more to loving oneself than just buying yourself some jewelry or a day at the spa. Self love is an everyday conscious task. To practice self-love is to pay attention to our thoughts and actions towards ourselves, daily. Even our words can reveal some lack of self love. Calling ourselves fat or ugly, and secretly wishing that we were something or someone other that who we are, are examples of a subtle self hatred. A funny example is the sensitive topic of race. For centuries, racial inequality has been a global struggle, yet just looking at the beauty products on shelves in a supermarket, one will notice how the shops in the Western world feature skin tanning products, while the shops in the African world may feature skin bleaching products. No judgement here. Just an example of how, we as the human race are never satisfied with who we are or what we have. This is why self-love has become the main topic in the self-help field these days. People all over the world, regardless of race, creed, caste, religion or status, are struggling with the acceptance and love of the self.

Let’s look at ways in which self-love can solve our existential problems.

1. Self-Love Takes Away The Fear of Loneliness.
   • Why do we fear to be alone? What is so horrible about ourselves that we fear to be alone with our self? You were born by yourself and you leave this earth by yourself. The sooner we realize this, the faster we can begin to appreciate ourselves. Your self is your one and only true companion because he never leaves you. You are your own shadow, and if you are afraid of your shadow, then you will forever feel like you are running away from something.
   • “Wherever you go, there you are”, is something they teach at AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). This is their way of saying, you can never run away from yourself. This is why you hear of celebrities living a fast paced life full of drugs and sex, seemingly happy, but riddled with depression and suicidal thoughts when alone in their homes. We may fill our lives with money, alcohol, fun, drugs, friends, lovers etc., but if we do not take the time to make friends with the self, we will always be miserable when distractions are taken away. Loving yourself begins with acceptance of yourself. Finding ways of enjoying yourself without the need of props and distraction strengthens your character.
2. Self-Love Cures Depression & Anxiety.
   • You may already know this. Having suffered from depression myself, I understand that it takes more than just affirming “I love Myself” a hundred times a day to cure it. Of course there are many forms of depression, one of which is clinical. Chemical imbalances in the brain can make it difficult to treat depression holistically. Most people however, suffer from depression caused by situations in their lives, as was the case with me. When one is depressed, it can be difficult to get out of bed, or be motivated to go out and do things that may make you happy. Self-love is not an overnight magic pill, but from my personal experience, working at being kind to myself in my thoughts, combating negative thoughts with positive ones and slowly adapting a lifestyle that was good for me, definitely started me on my journey towards healing. Depressed people are constantly thinking negatively especially about themselves. Anxious people do not trust themselves and are always afraid that their world will fall apart. When you begin to love yourself, you become your own hero, and in doing so, you regain your power and begin to find ways to make your life better for you. Practice self-love long enough and you will see how your life slowly begins to turn in the right direction. As you notice the positive changes in yourself, your confidence will increase, and as your confidence increases, you will find that you are strong enough to come up with ideas and ways to improve your life even more, thus truly becoming your own hero. I recommend reading Joseph Campbell’s book, “The Hero’s Journey”, to better understand this concept.
3. Self-Love Improves Your Finances.
   • Now let me to demonstrate how self love can actually earn you money. This is a perfect follow-up to the point about being your own hero. When I was in my early twenties, I struggled a lot just to meet my basic needs. As a result, I was riddled with anxiety about my future. I would be depressed about not having money, so I would be too stressed to think about a solution. This is what happened. Instead of spending time with myself brainstorming and job searching, I would distract myself with friends, alcohol, parties and television. What I did not realize at the time was that I was wasting time and that no one was going to come and drop money on my lap. One day I had an epiphany. I had to get up and do this for myself. I had to have enough faith in myself to believe that I could actually earn a living and take care of myself. Once I realized this, I stopped laying around in bed after a long night of hard partying, and began to take better care of myself. I started enjoying work because it brought me money, which made my life easier. I realized that if I had money, it meant that I could have a roof over my head and food on the table. I had to love myself enough to want these things for myself and to go get them for myself. Loving yourself will motivate you to do better for yourself, leading you to better jobs and opportunities. If you do not love yourself, you will not have the confidence to pursue the best opportunities that this world has to offer.
4. Self-Love Eradicates Fear of Judgement.
   • We’ve all been there. You try to live your life and do something to better yourself, like starting a blog, posting YouTube videos, becoming a comedian or performer of some sorts, and being your most authentic self, only to be met with criticism, gossip and trolls. People judge your content, how you look, dress or talk, who you are with, what you believe in etc. You do not even have to be famous these days to be judged. Social media has made it where anyone can comment on your posts. There is also judgement coming from people in your church or school, and even family. One who completely loves and accepts himself, will not be affected by what people think about him because he is content with himself. I know this is easier said than done, but with practice, we can learn to be completely unaffected by what others think of us. Think about this. You are the most important person in your life. You know how I know this? I know this because I know that you will not ask anyone for permission when you die. You will leave only with yourself. Therefore, the only opinion about you, which should matter to you, is your own opinion about yourself.
5. Self-Love Cures Addictions.
   • What causes addiction? We become addicted to something as a result of doing it excessively, to the point of becoming a habit, but the difference between an addiction and a habit is the motivation behind it. When we do something, be it drugs, alcohol , sex, or video games, as a way to escape our reality and to numb our feelings, this is when the habit becomes an addiction. Loving oneself can cure an addiction, because what it takes is the realization that we are harming ourselves by continuing with the habit. Would you knowingly harm someone who you love? Think about the person you love the most in the world, and imagine yourself offering them enough alcohol to kill them, or assisting them to shoot heroine into their system. You would never do this to a loved one, so why do it to yourself? The question is, do you love yourself enough to want the best for yourself? If you do, you will stop doing things to yourself, which bring harm to your self.
6. Self-Love Improves Your Health.
   • To elaborate even further on the addiction point, health improvement can be a result of self-love because when you want the best for yourself. You will eat better, exercise and do whatever it takes to ensure a healthier version of yourself. As a result, you will be both physically and mentally healthy.
7. Self-Love Helps You to Reach Your Goals.
   • Again, with love of self, one is motivated to improve his own life. In doing so, steps are taken towards the kind of future wished for. With time, small goals are attained, and one then feels motivated to go for even bigger goals. Repeating this over time leads to achievement of every goal imagined and the construction of the life of your dreams.
8. Self-Love Improves Relationships.
   • There are two facets of this. One is how self-love can help to maintain your relationships. Boundaries are very important in a relationship. A relationship with no boundaries is known as a codependent relationship. Codependent relationships may seem nice at first, with both people seemingly so in love with each other that they cannot spend a minute apart, but with time, this type of relationship crumbles, leaving in its wake a tornado-like aftermath. Victims of a codependent relationship may have problems starting a new healthy relationship because they lost their sense of self. This is why even in a relationship, it is very important to continue to love yourself, without expecting the other person to complete you. In doing so, a healthy partner will appreciate your boundaries and work to keep the respect in the relationship mutual, leading to a much healthier cohabitation. A unhealthy partner however, will either have to change or exit the situation, which will work out for you either way.
   • This brings me to the other facet, which is how self-love can help you gain better relationships. Loving yourself helps you realize that even in a relationship setting, you deserve the best. You are the best, therefore you deserve to have a partner who appreciates you just the way you are. Lack of self love leads to people settling with partners they have no business being with. At the first sign of abuse, a self-loving person will run for the hills, because she is not going to subject herself to that kind of treatment. When we stay in abusive situations, we are sacrificing ourselves for the feelings of the other person, who is probably narcissistic and only cares about himself. Love yourself enough to rescue yourself and to only allow people in your life, who are good for you.
9. Self-Love can Remove the Fear of Death.
   • I am trying to cover every problem we have as humans, and how self-love can help, therefore, we have to speak on the fear of death which plagues most people in this world. What causes the fear of death is the uncertainty of it, and the loneliness we think we would encounter after it. We are used to having family and friends, and the thought of leaving them is torture. We therefore distract ourselves again, until someone we care about dies, then its time to think about it again. Death has never been seen as a positive thing, but we can change how we view it, if we are comfortable with ourselves. Almost every religion in the world has an afterlife story and its usually a good one. Yet, humans are still afraid of death. Christians believe in a paradise after death, where your soul travels to heaven. Muslims believe in something similar. Hindus believe in reincarnation, where your soul finds a new body and is rebirthed. Buddhists believe that your spirit sticks close by and seeks a new life and new place to be reborn. Yet, in all those beliefs, with billions of people in the world believing that death is not the end of your soul, people are afraid of making that journey. Why? My theory is, it is because of the fact that we cannot even spend time with ourselves, or spend a day not having any negative thoughts about ourselves. In the same way, we do not realize that we are our own best friend, the shadow that never goes away, and that even at the end of life, that part of us, the self, remains. If we can reconcile with our deeper self, then we would never feel alone or afraid to journey into the unknown. Was that too deep for you?
10. How Self-Love Helps The World.
    • Now it is time for the big questions to be answered. How does self love help solve the big world problems, like hunger, war or cancer? People who love themselves also tend to treat other people with care, because these people tend to be happy and content with their lives. Such a person is more likely to embark on a philanthropic venture, or choose a career which in turn helps others. I know this because when I first learned about self love, I was all about myself in an egotistical way, but once I improved my life and was happier, I found that I wanted to spread the word on how to improve oneself the way that I did, and this is how my blog was born. A deeply happy and content person will want to spread this joy, and therefore, if we have more doctors, scientists and leaders who are happy and content, they will more than likely engage in activities which help the human race as a whole. I am not implying that the world will change overnight because everybody is happy and content. I am merely suggesting that more healthy and happy humans in the world may result in a happier and healthier ecosystem.

In conclusion, I would like to point out that self love has nothing to do with narcissism. A narcissist has an exaggerated sense of self, and lacks empathy for others. A narcissist believes that they possess no faults. Healthy self love recognizes your own faults and flaws but loves your self anyways, which in turn makes it easy to love others in spite of their faults. Begin to truly love your authentic self, and see how the world changes for you.